Acceptance.
Peace.
Light.
Joy.
Love.

That was 2012.













Perseverance.
Positivity.
Fortitude.
Youthful Vigor.
Enthusiasm.
Abundance.

 
Here's to a glorious 2013!Let us welcome the new year with hope and grateful heart.

Jesse's 4th Birthday.

It took me two weeks in preparing for this angry bird themed party. I researched on the world wide web what are the cool ideas I could possibly do in having an Angry Bird birthday party. I went to Pinterest.com. I'll be posting the links at the end of this post.

Oh the baking DRAINED me. I made his birthday cake, cookies for loot bags, cake pops and cupcakes. I made two cakes: chocolate cake and that fancy strawberries and cream sponge cake (those kind that the royalties in England have at their tea parties). This was after all, an "Angry Bird Tea Party". Shout out to my cousin Edda for helping me out. This woman creates the eye candies of cake I just want to look at her cakes and not eat them (well the fact that she is in England and I am here in Yellowknife---that really is the hard part). The party hats were hand made by my ever genius of a husband Steve Efondo. Ok, I'd go for "talented". But he is. Genius.

Those angry birds cake toppers, that was brutal. And let me tell you, I've never created fondant figures before. This was my first time. I'd say not bad, I was pretty happy with the result being a rookie and all, but boy, that was brutal. Brutal.

But hey, look at my boy's smile. Priceless. Now that makes everything else irrelevant.














For the brutal angry bird cake toppers:
http://bakehappy.blogspot.ca

For the best sugar cookies ever:
http://www.sweetsugarbelle.com

For the cake pops:
www.bakerella.com/pops-bites/cake-pops/

For the party hats:
http://www.squidoo.com

For the eye candies of cake:
http://www.facebook.com/HomemadeCuppyCakes

I am anxious. The butterflies are rowdy and up to my neck. This moment is happening and I am in awe that this moment is real.

Speechless.

Everything was moving slowly when I moved with my family to Yellowknife. I had all the time in the world I did not know what to do with me. I was in the abyss of self loathing, it was awful. But all those sleepless nights, all those dark nights, and deafening voices in my head had come to an end. I feel I've shed my skin and here I am, now stronger and wiser.

I am not looking back, but I am reminiscing.
This very moment is about reflection of how things came out to be. Of how everything fell into place, of how moments become memories.... how choices become destiny.

 And here I am grateful.


For more photos of the book launch of Coming Home: Stories from Northwest Territories
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sefdesign

For more info about the book and how to order:
http://northwordsnwt.ca/coming-home-on-sale-now/
http://www.greatplains.mb.ca/
http://www.amazon.ca/Coming-Home-Stories-Northwest-Territories/

To hear an excerpt:
http://www.cbc.ca/thetrailbreaker/

Time and time again I find myself falling in love with you
It's like that first look when I first caught your smile
your gaze
the warmth of your embrace

there was a rush of excitement

butterflies

electrifying thrill
chill

Oh it feels like it was just yesterday
but it has been
twelve beautiful years
of every day
of every minute
of every moment
of every breath
that I keep falling in love with you.

Has it happened to you when a thought crosses your mind and then for some reason that thought lingers there subconsciously? It's not wishful thinking, this thought is more of a statement. For example, "I'm going to travel the world," or "I will win the lottery" or "I will be happy".

Then for some reasons these thoughts happen. Although they don't happen how you had it pictured in your mind, when and where, it is there --- it is happening.

When I was a little girl, I thought to myself that it would be nice if I will be married to my best friend, someone I knew from my childhood. I remember this thought came to when I was about ten years old. But of course this was just a thought for although there was this boy whom I considered my best friend, and I knew him since childhood,  I grew up realizing he was not the one. What happened was I ended up marrying our mutual best friend, who I also grew up with and knew since childhood. And now, my husband is my best friend.

Up to this day, this fact never fails to make me smile and it leaves me breathless, in awe of such wonder how things happen and fall into place.

Now that I look back, and if you have been following me, you must have known my quest for happiness and meaning in life. You must have read my troubled mind. But troubled as I was, I was determined to fight my affliction-- I wanted to climb out of the pit, I held on to that piece of thread that connected me to sanity.

I had to do something about it so I turned to writing. And then I met the good people of NorthWords. From that moment my life was changed.

There were other thoughts that crossed my mind when I was a little girl. Being the eldest, I had to take care of my little siblings. I did not mind the chores but I thought lifting a heavy bucket of water is a man's job, so I thought "when I have my first child it will be a boy so that he can carry a heavy bucket like this for his younger siblings and it will be okay." And yes, my eldest is a boy. He does a very good job of being the "big brother" and lifting heavy objects.

You can never underestimate the power of words. They can be really powerful even if they are just there in your thoughts. They can happen magically, mysteriously even sometimes in such weird ways. I mean I find it weird how I ended up marrying my husband. Weird and magical :)

This year's NorthWords NWT festival imprinted my mind and heart these two powerful words: I am.

"Claim it."
I am.
"Do it."
I am.
"Writer."
I am.

When I read at the Flash event during the NorthWords Festival I had to come up how to introduce myself and my story. Usually, some writers will say their name and mention the backdrop of their story and then read. I had practiced the nights before and timed myself and what I plan to read was exactly three minutes. There's not much room but a short introduction. So I thought I'd borrow from those people in Alcoholics Anonymous. My introduction was: "Hi everyone. My name is January, and I am a writer. This is my story."

When I said these words aloud to all these people, it changed me. Right at that moment, my own words empowered me. I acknowledged who I am.

So I guess what I really want to say is that in moments you feel lost, in need of light, or even comfort -- hold on to the words that will help you, thoughts that keep you going. Although you'll never know for sure what is in store for you, what matters is that you keep positive. And in most cases, BELIEVE.

By the way, I did think that someday my name will be on a newspaper. Who knew?

The power of words is felt, lived, and immortalized by us. It is still upon us to release the intensity or impact of its meaning. We all have the responsibility to take action, to give back, to share the generous and humbling gifts of wisdom, skills, talents, and capabilities that are bestowed upon us. We should not fear the greatness we can do and only then we shall benefit from the power of words.

I am full of insecurities. It is weird because as I grow older, the more insecure I become. This makes me afraid and messed up --- in my head.
I fear that I am not good enough.

When I was younger, I lived by this words of St. Augustine " Humility is the way to greatness". As the eldest among four siblings, I felt the pressure of being the "good" student, the must be role model, the has-to-be ideal daughter. I would feel uncomfortable every time my father would give me praises in front of my siblings in fear that my brothers and sisters would think that I am boastful and feel differently towards me. I feared that they would treat me differently. So every time  my father would say a good word about me, I shyly walk away out of the conversation, no thank-you's, no acknowledgements saying "Yes, I did that".  While other students proudly displayed their medals and awards, I hid mine in a box and tucked them all the way inside my dresser---never to be opened, to be shown, to be discussed.

Validity. All of us have this need to feel validated. We feel good, we feel worthy when others acknowledge us. But we have to remember that we have to validate ourselves first. No matter how or what encouragement others give to us, there is no use if we do not believe in ourselves. When St. Augustine preached about humility, he did not mean for me to be shy, he did not mean that I hide in the dark and put myself down thinking I am not good enough. He meant that I accept myself for how God made me, that I be humble enough to say thank you.

So here it is. A big THANK YOU!

Please visit this site for more details about the book: http://northwordsnwt.ca/anthology

Daddy, this one's for you. I hope I made you smile up there.

The night sky was clear that night I was on the bus waving good bye to my mother. Aboard the bus with me were my father, my cousin, my two younger brothers, Peegee who was 7, Felix who was 6, and my sister April who was only three months old. I was 8.  Looking by the window, I saw her face as she stood still, not smiling nor crying, watching us. My father told me that we were going to my grandmother's house to live there but my mother had to go somewhere first.

That was the night our family had to spend the rest of our ten years separated from her. My mother was leaving us to work abroad.

I did not know then how significant that vivid moment was, but I do know now. That night was a life changing moment for all of us. To grow without a mother was hard, for my father to live his life without his beloved wife was suffering. For my mother to live everyday without being able to hold us, comfort us, feel us --- was sacrificial.


Happy Mother's Day my ever dearest Mama. Know that I love and cherish you ever so dearly. You are my inspiration and role model --- our own "architect of change", strong willed and kind-hearted. Thank you for all your everyday acts of love, from the tiniest to the grandest. There is no other mother best for me than you.

I love you so much.