Time and time again I find myself falling in love with you
It's like that first look when I first caught your smile
your gaze
the warmth of your embrace

there was a rush of excitement

butterflies

electrifying thrill
chill

Oh it feels like it was just yesterday
but it has been
twelve beautiful years
of every day
of every minute
of every moment
of every breath
that I keep falling in love with you.

It takes great strength of mind and character to be a good mother. And to be a good mother it is helpful to have great faith so that we, the mothers of all the children, may handle our daily lives with grace and love. The best gift of motherhood to me is the gift of knowledge and the opportunity that I can spread love and peace through my children.

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea:
But we loved with a love that was more than love -
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me -
Yes! that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud one night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we -
Of many far wiser than we -
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling -my darling -my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea -
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

–Edgar Allan Poe: Annabel Lee

Have you ever heard of the song, "What's Forever For" by Michael Martin Murphey? This song makes me emotional. I know that this song is for all relationships out there but it is in marriage where two people literally offer each other to love forever. When two people vow to love each other forever, I wonder why is it then that some marriages end?

Some people do not believe in the sanctity of marriage anymore because of the high rate of divorce. Some people feel that marriage is only a contract, a piece of paper that is not enough to guarantee forever. But for me, marriage is not just a contract, it is more than a promise --- it is a sacred vow. Marriage is a blessing, not only you are committing yourself to this person but it is as if you are making a shout out to the world proclaiming, "Here I am in front of all of you.... witness my love to this person as I dedicate my life to him/her."

But marriage oftentimes fail. It fails for a lot of different and valid reasons for the people involved. Marriage afterall, is a relationship between two people who are both subject to failures and imperfections. But what differs marriage from just any other relationships is the blessing from God, or to some the legality that makes the union lawfully acceptable and recognized.

Once married, the couple enters into a higher and deeper level of relationship.
They now must hold on to each other for they are building their lives together as one---thus the need for foundations.

I believe that these are the five foundations a couple must have in marriage:
1. Honor. I put honor on the top of the list because it is the one that we must hang on to when dealing with other people. When we are with other people, we are not only representing our own but whatever it is we do affect and reflect our spouse directly or indirectly. If we have honor in all our dealings, we have respect, we value decency, we practice honesty.
Between spouses, treating each other with respect is very important. "I respect your feelings. I will not do anything to hurt your feelings."

2. Loyalty. Loyalty is to support each other all the way. It means you are faithful to your vows, that you will be with each other through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse." I will be here with you no matter what it takes, I will take care of you." Loyalty is also simply being faithful.

3. Love. Love is so much more than what you feel for each other and is so much more than physical attraction. Because human is bound to fail, to make mistakes and is imperfect, it is through love that we look beyond each others shortcomings and instead accept each other for who and what we are. I believe that love is not blind but rather looks beyond the imperfections with open heart and mind. Love is always saying we are sorry for our mistakes, for being weak knowing that we could be better, for causing pain to our spouse. Love is passionate, it is a feeling that needs to be transpired, it is our touch, our warmth, our kiss, our expression of adoration and affection. Love is always a two way street, is a tango, is something that must be reciprocated. " I love you and I want to be here with you each morning and night because I want to witness and share your life with me as I am sharing it with you."

4. Communication. Because a lot of things happen in our daily lives, it is very important to communicate our thoughts and feelings. Openness allows us to make a connection with each other. It is a good way to share humor, to express sincerity, to set a compromise and meet in the middle, to discuss expectations, to work things out, to speak up and to listen. Open communication allows us to not be afraid of who we really are inside because we know that our spouse is willing to listen and understand us. "How can I make this better? I know we are a team and we are in this together."

5. Patience is last but not the least. It is not to be mistaken with apathy because with patience, we still show that we care. There will always be times that our patience will be tested by our spouse, times when we want to burst in anger when a spouse just does not listen, does not cooperate, does not understand, simply does not do things you want him/her to do. Patience is the key to make or break our day. We should be able to practice tolerance and distinguish which small things we can let go and which big things need to be discussed. Patience is important in determining if something is worth arguing about or not. Patience, in the long run pays off as it brings calm rather than noise in the relationship, in the long run determines if you can truly accept the person you married for who and what he/she is and live with that person for the rest of your life. "Dear, since I know you do not like asking for directions, and that you know how important it is for me that we get there on time, I have taken the liberty to use the google map."

Marriage to me is not only an agreement but the ultimate seal of that love that no man or woman should be allowed to break. And because of this reason, I truly believe that if people are truly, madly, deeply in love with each other, they will always find a way to be together --- no matter what. If the marriage has fallen, it is simply because the foundations were not strong enough in the first place and thus was not able to stand the tests of time. There is no guarantee for anyone that their marriage is the one that will last forever, but with strong foundations we can rest assure that our marriage can survive any storm one at a time.

It's the hardest thing to do, to forgive...when someone you love has caused you pain, betrayed you, left you or took you for granted, when someone you love does not reciprocate the affection you give.

But we love anyway. We love because it is the most human thing to do... the very reason of our existence. But not at all times that our love is meant to be...that because we love it is a happy ending. Sometimes that "love" was just to teach us a lesson, to help us know ourselves better, and to enrich our lives. But all of these are unattainable if we are not able to forgive the "love" that caused us heartache.

Forgetting is not the same as forgiving. Forgiving is more powerful and unless you forget you are not really forgiving. Love cannot stand alone without forgiveness and forgiveness shall not shine without forgetting the past, the pain, and the sorrow. When we forgive we must forget all the negatives associated with the pain that make our heart cry. When we forgive, we free ourselves from the poison of hate and we start over a new beginning. It is through forgiving that we are thankful of the chance to experience how to love, for the friendship that existed... When we forgive, we give ourselves a chance to be better. When we forgive, our burden becomes light.

Love is forgiving. To forgive is to love.To forgive is to not keep records of wrongs. To forgive is to heal. To forgive is the hardest thing to do but it is the cure for an aching heart.

~ litlmisscaffeine~

What do you do if there is infidelity in your relationship? Do you take it all in and cry your heart out when you are alone blaming yourself or thinking what it is you have done wrong? Do you let all your anger and frustration be felt by the other person who hurt you by firing bullets of painful words? Or do you seek help from other sources such as counseling, or people you trust like your friends and or family?

It is a difficult situation to be in. Not only it is difficult, it is also heartbreaking. You feel betrayed, humiliated, violated. You feel lost and angry, sad and confused why this has happened. Crying your heart out (male or female) helps. It releases that block of emotions inside your system. While getting angry and letting yourself be heard is also a natural reaction, it is only useful depending upon how you are communicating your message. Seeking the opinion or advices from other people sometimes help and sadly sometimes fuel your anger some more which makes things even more complicated.

Keep in mind that you are in a relationship with this person because of a mutual understanding and feeling which is called LOVE. And as natural as LOVE is, INFIDELITY is just right there in almost every corner.

Now if you are in this sad situation, the first thing to ask yourself is: Do I still love this person? If the answer is "yes" then you must simply let that love shine above all that is negative surrounding the heart and mind. The partner who is being unfaithful is the one who is lost, not you. Talk to your partner, lead the way back to where your relationship should be by communicating what went wrong and work on ways to rekindle what was lost whether it is romance, spiritual or mental connection. The one who is hurting is ultimately the one who can end the pain. It is not easy to be the bigger person but because you love, and if you believe in that love, you shall emanate all that is emanated by love: forgiveness, humility, and hope.

I have been surrounded by relationships. All of us are surrounded by relationships. At close hand, I know the ups and down of loving someone. I have seen how love conquers all and experienced a love's downfall. But of course we all LOVE anyway. Not all relationship ends in a happy ending. But who's to say what is a happy ending anyway? Life does not end just because a relationship failed. You can either move on with this relationship and try your best to make it work, or move on and be happy to welcome a new one. The sad part of infidelity is when a good relationship is destroyed. But then again, it is you who knows if the relationship is worth saving or not. Both parties should try to feel how it is to be in each other's shoes. Ask the question, "What would you feel if I had done this you?" To the infidel, would you want your partner to do this to you? And if she would have done this to you, would it be okay that she would offend you again and again? Of course not. To the victim, if you were the one who was weak and committed infidelity, would you not want to be given a second chance to prove that you can be a better person? Keep in mind the golden rule my friends. It is there for we can learn from it. And remember that the golden rule goes both ways.

LOVE is powerful. Believe that your LOVE is special, strong and true and so it shall be. May LOVE always guide all of us in heart, mind and spirit. ~ litlmisscaffeine

Ottawa 2007. 7th wedding anniversary.



I hope you will be happy there with me.

Powerful and heartfelt words from my husband. I feel that he is worried about this move. He knows how much I like and enjoy the city... The fun, glam, glitter and all that jazz. He said that the place where he will take me is so much different from here. Wilderness surrounds the small town of Yellowknife. The lifestyle is quiet versus a fast phase life here in Toronto. Life over there is about nature and outdoor activities.

My manager said that I am selfless for giving up things like "running water". He was funny. His speech during the goodluck-on-your-move-party was heartfelt and I thought it was great. It was a good thing that someone blew the surprise for me otherwise I could have been crying and ruining my mascara. But I was truly touched and sad that day.

Selfless is a powerful word too.

I think that giving up all that I am used to in my daily life in exchange of a new life with my family being together is the hardest decision I have made. Being "selfless" however is the easiest choice I had and the only one that made sense. I was asked if I had always been selfless to which I replied, I just want things to be easier. I think and analyze but I don't over-analyze. I am a free spirit who acts with no regrets, always looking ahead, and deals with the consequences instead of worrying about them. I don't like spending too much time thinking when I already know what I want. To me worrying makes things complicated.

A friend of mine said that things happen for a reason. He said that this move is meant to be because this is what I wanted. He said that I had wished in my mind and in prayers for my family to be together and this is the answer to my wish. Indeed God moves in mysterious ways and we really have to be in tuned to Him so we can gratefully accept His will. I guess He wants me to be have the opportunity to be "selfless" and experience the joy of having my wishes granted.

Today is our 10th wedding anniversary. We celebrated it with take out Vietnamese/Chinese food. Our table was made of carton boxes and we were sitting on the floor with our children. We were surrounded by boxes and mess. The ambiance could not be any better and we were all very happy and having a nice time.

**another sort of hallmark writing I wrote for my husband years ago. Years have gone by and the feelings remain the same :) **