I am anxious. The butterflies are rowdy and up to my neck. This moment is happening and I am in awe that this moment is real.

Speechless.

Everything was moving slowly when I moved with my family to Yellowknife. I had all the time in the world I did not know what to do with me. I was in the abyss of self loathing, it was awful. But all those sleepless nights, all those dark nights, and deafening voices in my head had come to an end. I feel I've shed my skin and here I am, now stronger and wiser.

I am not looking back, but I am reminiscing.
This very moment is about reflection of how things came out to be. Of how everything fell into place, of how moments become memories.... how choices become destiny.

 And here I am grateful.


For more photos of the book launch of Coming Home: Stories from Northwest Territories
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sefdesign

For more info about the book and how to order:
http://northwordsnwt.ca/coming-home-on-sale-now/
http://www.greatplains.mb.ca/
http://www.amazon.ca/Coming-Home-Stories-Northwest-Territories/

To hear an excerpt:
http://www.cbc.ca/thetrailbreaker/

Has it happened to you when a thought crosses your mind and then for some reason that thought lingers there subconsciously? It's not wishful thinking, this thought is more of a statement. For example, "I'm going to travel the world," or "I will win the lottery" or "I will be happy".

Then for some reasons these thoughts happen. Although they don't happen how you had it pictured in your mind, when and where, it is there --- it is happening.

When I was a little girl, I thought to myself that it would be nice if I will be married to my best friend, someone I knew from my childhood. I remember this thought came to when I was about ten years old. But of course this was just a thought for although there was this boy whom I considered my best friend, and I knew him since childhood,  I grew up realizing he was not the one. What happened was I ended up marrying our mutual best friend, who I also grew up with and knew since childhood. And now, my husband is my best friend.

Up to this day, this fact never fails to make me smile and it leaves me breathless, in awe of such wonder how things happen and fall into place.

Now that I look back, and if you have been following me, you must have known my quest for happiness and meaning in life. You must have read my troubled mind. But troubled as I was, I was determined to fight my affliction-- I wanted to climb out of the pit, I held on to that piece of thread that connected me to sanity.

I had to do something about it so I turned to writing. And then I met the good people of NorthWords. From that moment my life was changed.

There were other thoughts that crossed my mind when I was a little girl. Being the eldest, I had to take care of my little siblings. I did not mind the chores but I thought lifting a heavy bucket of water is a man's job, so I thought "when I have my first child it will be a boy so that he can carry a heavy bucket like this for his younger siblings and it will be okay." And yes, my eldest is a boy. He does a very good job of being the "big brother" and lifting heavy objects.

You can never underestimate the power of words. They can be really powerful even if they are just there in your thoughts. They can happen magically, mysteriously even sometimes in such weird ways. I mean I find it weird how I ended up marrying my husband. Weird and magical :)

This year's NorthWords NWT festival imprinted my mind and heart these two powerful words: I am.

"Claim it."
I am.
"Do it."
I am.
"Writer."
I am.

When I read at the Flash event during the NorthWords Festival I had to come up how to introduce myself and my story. Usually, some writers will say their name and mention the backdrop of their story and then read. I had practiced the nights before and timed myself and what I plan to read was exactly three minutes. There's not much room but a short introduction. So I thought I'd borrow from those people in Alcoholics Anonymous. My introduction was: "Hi everyone. My name is January, and I am a writer. This is my story."

When I said these words aloud to all these people, it changed me. Right at that moment, my own words empowered me. I acknowledged who I am.

So I guess what I really want to say is that in moments you feel lost, in need of light, or even comfort -- hold on to the words that will help you, thoughts that keep you going. Although you'll never know for sure what is in store for you, what matters is that you keep positive. And in most cases, BELIEVE.

By the way, I did think that someday my name will be on a newspaper. Who knew?

The power of words is felt, lived, and immortalized by us. It is still upon us to release the intensity or impact of its meaning. We all have the responsibility to take action, to give back, to share the generous and humbling gifts of wisdom, skills, talents, and capabilities that are bestowed upon us. We should not fear the greatness we can do and only then we shall benefit from the power of words.

Today is the first day of September and although it is bright and sunny, one can feel that the frost is soon to be here again in Yellowknife. And before that cool frost comes, I thought I should share with you one of the fun summer activities I have been doing.

I have been doing some gardening as a volunteer for CNIB or Canadian National Institute For The Blind. I planted potatoes, carrots, lettuce and a lot more. It was cool because I have not done this before, ever! And the coolest part was getting my hands dirty, digging that earth, knowing that in the littlest way, I am being a part of my new community.

So here are the photos of the garden.

I stumbled upon this inspirational story and I thought that it is too precious that I should share it. It is really easy for us to be consumed by all the superficial things and ideals that we lose sight of what matters most in life. For me, being here in Yellowknife is a personal struggle --- a battle that I am determined to win. I know that every day, in each small ways that I can, I am better than yesterday.

I am grateful for a lot of things. I truly am. But there are times that I can't help not to have questions in my mind, yearn for things that I miss or for things that I feel my family deserves; moments that I feel helpless for there is not much I can do but to accept what is here.

And in moments that I feel lost, I hold on to the times that I feel are precious.

When my mother learned that the Prince and the Duchess of Cambridge are going to visit Yellowknife as part of the Canadian tour, she said to me that it is a must that I see the Royals. My mother is a fan of the Royals. She loves the Queen Mom, her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth and the late Princess Diana. Just like many others, she stayed up late to watch the Royal Wedding of Princess Diana and Prince Charles, and she was heartbroken and was bawling when the news of Princess Diana's death was announced. So I know how much it would mean for my mother that I see the Royal Highnesses Prince William and Duchess Catherine. She told me so anyway.

I do not know why am I not a Royal fan as my mother. I truly do not know. Upon hearing that the Royals were coming to Yellowknife, I did not feel as enthused as I should be. But then the day of their arrival came, and it was a rainy day. The more I got discouraged of going. However, on the day that they will grace Yellowknife with their presence at Somba K'e Civic Plaza, the sun came out and gave us a perfect weather for the Royal event. And I did not have any more excuse. So I went.

One last shot. People talking about what just happened, sharing photos. I went by myself so I just decided to go home, still surprised as I did not expect to get that close to a real life Prince.

I was not giddy or anything but I felt it was an extraordinary experience. It was unlikely and yet possible at the same time. One lady came to me and said, so did you get close? I said yes. She said, "Aww lucky." And the woman went and stood at my spot hoping to get a glimpse of the Royals.

Earlier on the day of the event, I was getting bored and anxious and I said to Candice, the woman with a baby, " I hope this is going to be a life changing experience for me." She said, "Of course it is. Wait you mean after this?"

"Yes, after this."

And I guess she was right. I could not help but to think of the opportunities I had in terms of meeting people since I came to Yellowknife. I met a lot of fascinating people: poets, storytellers, writers, famous and award winning authors. Who knew I would meet a real life Prince in my lifetime? I didn't. But this experience taught me this: Surprises do happen if you just let it and they do happen in the most unexpected places and circumstances. The key is to appreciate the moment and let it teach you its lesson. In his speech, Prince William said, "This place is what Canada is all about - vast, open beauty, tough, resilient, friendly peoples, true nature, true humanity," the prince said with Kate seated beside him. "We've already sensed the extraordinary potential of this region and the irrepressible spirit of adventure that marks the people of the territories and defines the land. We are so excited to be here."

You know, the universe talks to us in mysterious ways... and I am thinking, that maybe.. just maybe, the universe talked to me through Prince William that day.