So, all of us have had our "firsts", right? First steps, first birthday cake, first love, first kiss, first date, the first deed. And we all know how those memories are special because in some ways, shape or form, our first do make an impact in our life.

If you have been reading my thoughts, you must know by now how messed up my mind can get, how emotional of a lady I can be, how basically little tiny things touch my heart. And you must know by now that this blog is about me shaping my life so I can live the best life I could possibly have.

So, here is a secret I have discovered (but first let me take a deep breath --- Haaaaahh) Ok, that was good. Listen, not only have I discovered this secret, I lived it! The secret is to be brave --- to be courageous, to face your fear, to tell yourself you can do it because you have to do it, to start it, to do it now. Ok maybe this was not a secret, maybe I already heard someone say this or perhaps have seen this on Oprah. Anyway, here is what happened: My husband got a job here in Yellowknife, we moved here, I was going crazy and did not know what to do with me. That's the prelude, he he he....

Then I went to my first writing workshop hosted by NorthWords.

Then I became part of NorthWords Writers Festival.

Then the next thing I know we were preparing to organize the 6th Annual NorthWords Festival.

Then, I was having dinner with writers --- aspiring writers, emerging writers, published writers, bestselling and award-winning authors. Oh my God! You can imagine the high and vibrant energy of all these people being sucked by my being and all this just inside me --- in my fingers, my hand, my knees, my feet, my stomach, in my heart. Charlotte Gray was there. She is an award-winning biographer and historian, and author of eight acclaimed books of literary non-fiction. She is best known for her 2006 bestseller, Reluctant Genius: The Passionate Life and Inventive Mind of Alexander Graham Bell. Her recent book and the most ambitious is Gold Diggers - striking it rich in the Klondike. Susan Juby, the inspiring author of Alice MacLeod book series, Nice Recovery, and The Woefield Poultry Collective, was also there. I tell you, I was starstruck! And most of all honored and privileged to be around these amazing and fascinating people. Oh, hold on... they were not talking to me yet at this point. Good thing I did not peed my pants when I had a photo with the two of them. Yes, I was giddy! But only inside. I did not want to scare them away you know.

One thing that NorthWords do and which by the way, I must say do best is to encourage and celebrate northern writers. One way of doing this is by giving the writers the chance to expose themselves to the community. And what's the best way to do it? Reading. There is Flash which is an open mic. What happens is a writer can read any piece they want to share but only for 3 minutes which is why this event is also referred to as "your 3 minutes of fame". And yesterday, I was there. I came there to watch and to read. I was going to read the story which I wrote and titled I wuv you Mommy. I practiced the night before and even timed myself of how to read it within 3 minutes. But when I got there at the Flash event, I was scared. I was thinking of ,"what if nobody liked it?" or "what if I stutter?" or "what if I read too long and people get bored?" I was thinking of nothing but negative thoughts and putting myself down. So I decided not to read and settled on admiring the talented brave people speaking, reading on the podium. One author that strike me best that day was the internationally celebrated poet Gregory Scofield. He is indeed a dynamic talent and very unique when it comes to reading and storytelling. I enjoyed the event a lot. By the time it ended, I came to say hi to Susan Juby. In our conversation, she asked me, "Why did you not read?" And I said, "Well, I did not feel brave enough." And then she goes, "Well you have to be brave next year then." And then she said bye with this illuminating smile.

The next day which was the day 2 of the festival, there was an event called Blush or what people here call Erotica. Again an open mike where people can read but this time the piece had to be sensual. And so everything that you have read so far is also a prelude of what this post was all about. Needless to say, I read that night and it was truly one of the best firsts in my life. I was grateful for the privilege of being surrounded by people who share my interest and passion, grateful for the warmth and encouragement that they give to each other and being a part of that is such a blessing. I am humbled but always inspired to be in Annelies Pool and Richard Van Camp's presence, fortunate to have found new friends (I am comfortable enough to hug them that's why) in the names of Batiste Foisy, Marianne Bromley, Cathy Jewison, David and Sandra Malcolm, Jamie Bastedo, and of course Judy McLinton and Colin Henderson. And I must tell you, the best part of it were hugs from Annelies Pool, Richard Van Camp and Helena Katz... all my inspiration, Colin Henderson's sort of high five and hand shake, Batiste Foisy's pat on my shoulder. And yes of course, the laughter, Charlotte Gray's sentiment, "You did well up there, January. That was funny!" and Susan Juby's smile as she said, "Good job. You had them at the edge of their seats."

And so without further delay, here is what I read on my IPhone note, last night at the event called Blush:An Evening of Erotica and Sensuality. And I am leaving you with this thought that of course I got from Oprah.... "Listen to what your life is whispering to you and do not waste anymore time."

Be warned. This is an adult subject matter. Enjoy.

What makes us stressful? What would it take for us to be grateful for what we have? Why do we constantly want to accomplish something when we always beat ourselves along the way anyway?

I have heard a lot of times that we learn to appreciate things or realize the importance of someone or something when it is gone. Why can we not just love and cherish the important things now and stop looking elsewhere? Why is it easier for us to say, "I want more" instead of "Thank you for all of these"? Is it because we think we know more and that we can do more so therefore we deserve more? Or perhaps it is because we unconsciously have it in our head that truly, the grass is greener on the other side, that we as humans just want what we do not have. Or maybe because we are just naturally competitive, if we are not competing with each other, we compete with our selves. We look at the lives of others, those who have done well, and then we look at those who in our own made up individual standards have done poorly. We stand where we are and we find ourselves looking up to those who we think are admirable and say to ourselves we want to be like them, and unconsciously or consciously make our decisions as to what we want to do or who we want to be in life based on what we see from others. We want to be known, we want to be heard, we want to make our mark. We become driven. And when we have that drive, we want to see results, results that we want to be able to measure, in numbers, in money, in material wealth because ultimately though we like it or not, we as society equate material possessions to success and that it is only when we have these material wealth that we can then say to ourselves, "I am accomplished. I am fulfilled. I am successful."

"Ambition is an unusual word, " Donald Trump says, but I say that not only it is unusual it is also tricky for once you lose your sight to what really matters, ambition can lead you to the dark hole and sometimes all alone with no one but yourself in a pedestal.

Do what you do and aim high, do your best at all times but do not lose and drown yourself in isolation and being apart from what matters most in life. Be thankful --- for gratitude can give you the peace of mind, the pleasure of fulfillment, the sense of pride that no material wealth can provide. Gratitude makes you feel joyous, that kind of happiness that builds up in your heart and puts a smile in your lips. Find reasons to be thankful for everyday because there is truly an abundance around you, from the sun that shines, the air you breathe, the water you drink, the warmth of your bed, that piece of old day bread you just ate.

The time I started not thinking about "me" and started thinking about "them"---my children and my husband, I felt better. I'd like to think that my sense of being is about them, that my purpose is they, that they are truly the essence of what life is for me.

When I want to feel relaxed, I listen to this. There is something wonderful about Italian music, its romantic melodies, powerful notes, soothing flow that touches your heart and awakens emotions that are there in you...

I am in-love... that is what I feel, this is what I have in my heart.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Is it the attitude, the perception of things, or is it what is around you that makes it hard to cultivate the right approach? If it is attitude, then there is something definitely wrong with me. I would call me lazy, unimaginative, boring, weak, unresourceful, dormant, slob, unproductive, uninterested or uninteresting. But change the place, the surrounding, where all the right and needed elements are present, and a glorious life shall sprout from within--- fun, wonderful, charming, cheerful, energy-filled, active, vibrant.

If I were a plant, I am now wilting.

But I am not a plant. But I am wilting, slowly losing colors, fading luster and beauty, bowing down, hardly standing, holding on to dear life, dreaming, wanting, waiting for that spring time sunshine.

When I was, back then, this song puts a smile on my lips and yes, till now.

Somebody, someone dance this one for me!