Today my eldest son is 14 years old. In these fourteen years, he has not ceased in giving me hugs and in telling me he loves me each time he goes to school and before he goes to sleep. I remember when he was still in my womb, I knew that he was given to me to be my angel. When he came into my life, I felt how strong of a lady I was, that I could do anything for him and be the best I could be for him. I felt that I am much more than a mother to him. I wanted to be his confidant, and best friend because at that time he was all these to me. He was this little boy who knew me so well, so much so that there are times that he would just come to me and give me a hug and say, "Mommy, you need a hug. It's okay Mommy."

And now he is 14. It has been fourteen wonderful years. He is growing so beautifully, and such a wise young man beyond his years. And he is still the same funny, witty, sweet, loving, kind and gentle boy who knows when his mommy needs some cheering up. For his birthday this evening, I presented him a slice of chocolate cake which I bought from a French cafe. The cake was lovely and he enjoyed it so much. He was having a mouthful when I asked, "Janvier, do you still want me to bake you a cake this Saturday?"
"If you want to," he said licking his fork.
"Well, I don't know. I mean after having this cake, my confidence about my cake is now," I said while motioning a thumbs down.
He wipes his mouth, "You know what Mommy, I really don't like this cake,"
"Oh Janvier! You are the sweetest. Come here!"
He comes to me and gives me a tight hug.
"Ok, I'll bake you a cake."
"Thanks Mommy. I love you."

My father used to tell me that whoever it is I decide to marry is such a lucky guy. Now although I don't tell my son this yet, I know in my heart that whoever it is he decides to marry is going to be such a lucky lady. ^_^

When I am old and gray, I want to remember...
(this note shall be updated from time to time every time a happy thought arises)

- It's amazing how I feel safe holding Jessiah in my arms... how he makes me feel that everything will be fine. (This I felt with all three of them: Janvier, Justin and Jessiah.. It's just now that I get the opportunity to write my feelings down)

- At the end of the day, every time he comes to me crying and he falls asleep into my arms, I feel that I have done something right...

- Putting him to sleep while listening to my old cd's as if we are both slow dancing to the music is relaxing to me (which I also did before especially with Janvier.. yes, especially and mostly Janvier)

- I remember feeling down (a long time ago), Janvier was almost 6 years old, he came to me while I was sitting alone in the dining room and he said, "are you okay mommy? don't worry I'm here." Janvier, I have to say is my knight in shining armour.

- Justin once said, I love you mommy! You are fat! I love you, you are so comfy... and he made little twinkles with his eyes and hugged me ^^

- that tears roll down on Janvier's cheeks when I sing If We Hold On Together by Diana Ross and Words by Beegees. When we listened to the song The Book of Love by Peter Gabriel, we were both crying.

- that Janvier who is now 12 years old almost 13, still hugs and kiss me every time I drop him off at school and before he goes to sleep.