I think the reason why it is hard for me to relax is because I still hang on the workaholic side of me... the one who is always out and about, juggling, multitasking --- always hectic. And now that I am home with my toddler, I feel that my sense of being has diminished. I feel that doing nothing is in itself laziness and is not good for my brain.

Today is -37C. I just cancelled a doctor's appointment because it is too cold to bring Jesse outside. And it hit me how fortunate I am to be able to stay inside the house and not be obliged to go out in the cold. I remember how dreadful of a battle it was to get up at 5:30 in the morning and get ready for work during winter.

So today I want to make note of how much I appreciate this opportunity of being able to stay home. I will try my best to relax and keep in mind that not everybody is given this chance... a chance to have a break, a really long break from the world of busy, hectic, almost robotic, working people. And that this long break is for me to enjoy because it is only temporary that I will soon be back to my old workaholic me again before this year ends. I will not beat myself up with the mindset that I am less worthy, or that I have little self value just because I am doing nothing. Because today, I am really not doing nothing--- I am relaxing.