This is Frame Lake in the summer time at 8:30 in the evening....


and this is it now... in winter at 2:00 in the afternoon.

Yellowknife is an experience.... truly on its own.

Am I really a drama queen or am I just really an emotional bucket? Maybe hormonal?
When my husband and I decided to move the family here in Yellowknife, I was determined to never look back. I have decided that whatever happens I will just suck it all in and stick with the plan. My mindset was that there is nothing else in the world that I would not do for my children and my husband -- that I can be strong for this family.

But my life was slowly crumbling apart, my will was weakening, my strength was draining, and I was just a total mental wreck. Although my children would not see nor feel my dark emotions, they were slowly poisoning my mind and my soul. Literally, there was a battle between good and evil in my mind and body. My mind concocts these thoughts of wishful thinking which translates to regrets, angst, and sometimes envy. And because part of me knows that these thoughts are poisonous, my body worked hard to fight that battle. There were times that my thoughts would overpower my mind that I would completely fail in controlling myself in which point that I become isolated, uninterested and unhappy. The saddening part of this is that I fail to show my children and my husband the good side of me. I was irate, impatient, and lazy. But the truth is, I was just confused and crying inside. I was confused of who I am and probably scared of who or what I can become.

It is still too early for me to say if I already have made peace with this place (I may mean Yellowknife but I also may mean the place that is "me"). You see, I am still discovering who I am just as I am still getting to know Yellowknife. So far, in the past month (November to be exact), I began to explore my inner self and I learned that I am not alone in feeling this way (I mean Elizabeth Gilbert, hello!!!). But unlike her, I am married and with children, and all it took for me to stay focused on what is real life for me was a leather couch, books and love sent to me by my friends as a care package from Toronto. And let me tell you, love can be found in simplest things, which translates to pleasure, which transforms to happiness, that becomes that mystery called peace... even for just a moment.

Being a mother of three boys does not make me an expert and this is a fact that I accept about motherhood for I know that I still have a lot to learn. However, I also believe that my children are different from other children and therefore what works for my children may not necessarily work with yours (and vice versa). But it is with these differences in our experiences as mothers that motherhood becomes so special when all of us share our stories and learn from each other.

Below is a video I find inspirational. I am thankful for all my mommy friends and to all the mothers in my life.

This came from my son's school. I just thought I should share it with you. I believe that humility leads us in being happy for others well-being. Dr. Maya Angelou said, "To want others to do the best they can for themselves, when they have done the best they can for you -- this is intelligence" which is also, I believe is humility. If each of us would genuinely care and wish only good things for each other, true happiness will flourish in all of us, from within to each other. And above all, God's grace (however you call HIM) is one proven way to have happiness in our hearts. - litlmisscaffeine

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LITANY OF HUMILITY

(Which His Eminence Cardinal Merry del Val was accustomed to recite daily after the celebration of the Holy Mass)

O Jesus! Meek and humble of heart hear me

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being honoured, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebuke, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That in the opinion of the world, others may increase, and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be holier that I, provided that may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

I stumbled upon this on one of my favorite links: http://www.tfxonline.net/femstyle and I really like this post. There is just something special in sharing something you really like. - litlmisscaffeine ^_^

The Purpose Driven Life – Rick Warren

October 24th, 2009 . No Comments »

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The Purpose Driven Life

Don’t date because you are desperate.
Don’t marry because you are miserable.
Don’t have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don’t philander because you think you are irresistible.
Don’t associate with people you can’t trust.
Don’t cheat. Don’t lie. Don’t pretend.
Don’t dictate because you are smarter.
Don’t demand because you are stronger.
Don’t sleep around because you think you are old enough & know better.
Don’t hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don’t sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.

Don’t stagnate!
Don’t regress.
Don’t live in the past. Time can’t bring anything or anyone back.
Don’t put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
Don’t throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.

Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some of life’s more hasty decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don’t bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don’t abandon your responsibilities but don’t overdose on duty.
Don’t live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.

Don’t commit when you are not ready.
Don’t keep others waiting needlessly.
Go on that trip. Don’t postpone it.
Say those words. Don’t let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society’s scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don’t wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you – except YOU.

It isn’t true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don’t be afraid. Don’t lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.
Live your dreams.

Don’t lose faith in God.
Don’t grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back.
Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to someone is your time.
Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E

because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.

-Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

I read this to a co-worker of mine and she said well this is simply common sense. My reply was: sometimes our common sense doesnt speak loud enough and reality Hits us harder when you hear it from someone else. I especially love the part “Don’t hurt your children because Loving them is Harder” so much meaning behind it. Its brilliant… I rate it 5/5

- femstyle-

"You seek pleasure, not happiness,"
"Really?"
"Yes, really... for happiness is not found nor achieved it is decided,"
"But, how do I decide that I am happy?"
"Well, you listen to what your heart wants you to do."
"But I thought you said happiness is decided. Isn't it that the mind makes the decisions?"
"Yes, mind makes the decision, but happiness is an emotion that affects the state of mind. And since happiness is a state of mind, which is affected by your emotion, emotion that is in your heart, you have to listen to your heart. Your heart will tell you what is happiness for you."
"Oh dear, this is hard. When do I decide that I am happy?"
"Now,"
"Now?"
"Yes, now!"


(a conversation between me and myself) ^_^ Crazy I tell you... but happy :D

So do you have a bucket list? You know, the list of the things you want to do before you die? I think it is called a bucket list because it was inspired by the Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson's movie where their characters made a list of things to do before they die and put the list on the bucket, hence bucket list.

Anyways, I do have a bucket list. I decided to have a bucket list not only to make life interesting and that I have things to look forward to, but also because I want to challenge myself... to see what I am capable of, to learn new things, to be bigger than me. And last night, I just crossed one out. It was the item number 10: To audition for a play/theatre. And please note that this is my first time ever to audition. I made it clear to them too and so I asked them to please bear with me.

It was so much fun! It was the same kind of fun like riding a roller coaster minus the screaming and the puking. I was hysterical and screaming inside. I had a blast during the entire process of audition. There were 3 persons inside the auditorium, the musical director, the stage director, and the director. First, I was interviewed. It was tricky because at the same time they were testing my stage performance. They wanted me to speak with my stage voice while having the conversation with them. And then, I had to follow musical notes from the piano where the musical director hits a note and I had to hum it and sing the note. Well that was tricky too for me who does not have any musical training nor background whatsoever, (well except when I sing karaoke and my mom would become teary when I sing a melodramatic song like Debbie Boone's You Light Up My Life), and then the last part of the audition was me singing Memory (from the Cats musical) in front of them. I was instructed to sing a verse or two but my ever supportive husband has said to me before the audition to just keep on singing unless they tell you to stop. So I was singing and singing and almost finishing the second verse and none of them three were stopping me so I kept on singing until I finished four verses which is out of the six verses of the song. When they said, "Ok, stop. Thank you," I was so relieved that I blurted out, "Oh my goodness, thank you. I was waiting for you to stop me."

I felt good about how I did. I was nervous but not so that I actually felt exhilarated. I made all three of them laughed with my goofiness. I felt I shined that night simply because I was being me. They are to see 80 people in total and there are only 40 roles to be played. And I am certain that I am against professionals, if not trained stage actors who are beyond my league (or I am out of their league). But that information does not matter to me now because that is actually a different story to be told next time.

Oh, the musical that I auditioned for is "My Fair Lady." And oh please, no, I was not up for Eliza's role, you know, that character that Audrey Hepburn played. ^_^