Yoga, an ancient but perfect science, deals with the evolution of humanity. This evolution includes all aspects of one's being, from bodily health to self-realization. Yoga means union - the union of body with consciousness and consciousness with the soul. Yoga cultivates the ways of maintaining a balanced attitude in day-to-day life and endows skill in the performance of one's actions. ~B.K.S. Iyengar, Astadala Yogamala

I have been battling with myself and of course, just like in any battles, there is tension, madness, fury, and blood. And I've felt all these, maybe not the blood gushing part, but for sure tension, madness and fury.

Anyway, I promised myself that I will win this battle. I know and have learned that I feel better through the day if I have been a good person to the people around me (in this case my three children and my one husband) and most of all to myself. I find that if I do things that make me happy (like having a cup of coffee and a piece of chocolate, or reading a book, or going to a NorthWords meeting) it shows in my attitude that I project to others and for that I feel that the pleasant me is winning against the not so pleasant side. This I find easy only when I am being true to myself and part of me, actually the big part of me, this voice constantly say to me to make myself better everyday. And one of the many things that this voice tells me is to calm down, not that I am hysterical all the time (well I am actually most of the time--- just giddy inside) it's my mind that is just always and constantly talking and loud.

And that is why I signed up for yoga.

My very first time in yoga class was wonderful. For a yoga virgin, who has a 3 months pass that entitles me to go to any classes, I went to this class called Vinyasa - All Levels. Of course, I thought well, it must include the beginners level, right? Wrong.

Ohhh the stretches, the poses, the breathing: inhaling and exhaling they were all hard. My hamstrings. "Stretch your hamstrings, feel the strength in your core, mind the space in your legs, notice your fingertips, reach, reach, lengthen your arms, scoop your tail bone exhale..." I was like, what? What are those? But of course, the lady instructor with her smile and her soothing almost a lullabyish voice calmed my mind. So as I stretched and told my mind to shut up, I felt my hamstrings, my legs, my toes, and my fingertips. I began to feel calm but at the same time aware of my body movements, my breathing, and the strain and challenges of my body while I try to be fluid. For such a slow motion and quiet flow, I was sweating. She came to me and said, "You are awesome. You are doing it,"'as she helped me held my legs up high while I was lying and lifting my back.

I find that yoga is such a metaphor in achieving balance in life. In yoga you have to be aware of all your body parts, what they do, how they feel, and if you are aware of all this, you become connected to your being. It is then easier for you to feel calm and balanced. In life, I find that it easy for us to feel lost, to feel overwhelmed and not have balance in our life. Today, I realized that being aware of who you really are inside, what you feel, what you think, being in tune with your inner being, can help in finding peace, calm and balance. Thinking and noticing my fingertips, being aware of my breathing, minding my hamstrings helped me in getting through my first yoga experience. It was great. I thought it was like making love to my own body. It was calming, challenging and intense all at the same time but it is all this that made the experience worthwhile. I guess what I'm saying is, if only we could all take a moment to be aware of who we are, take a moment to notice our inner being, mind our self worth, life is not going to be as hard and challenging, and that balance and peace in our lives is achievable and doable. Just like yoga.

And I would like to end this note with this --- Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K.S. Iyengar