Labels: decision making , leap of faith , Yellowknife
It's been awhile. My last blog was 2 months ago. I am now back to work which has occupied most of my time. And a lot has happened within those two months.
Have you ever been in a position or a situation where you have to make a life changing decision? I'm sure a lot of you have experienced that and some of you may say that I am over thinking this.
I have decided to move to Yellowknife. My husband has acquired a permanent job there. For more than a month now I have been raising our three children with my mother-in-law's help. And when she leaves in October of this year, I will have no other choice but to put my toddler in a childcare centre. Even with two income coming in, childcare and paying two different rent is just too much of an expense.
I don't know much about Yellowknife but based from what I have read and from what I was told it is a nice place to be. Aside from the extreme cold weather, long nights during winter, and that it is a place far far away from everything, there is not much I should worry about. But compared to Toronto, Yellowknife feels a bit strange for me. I mean all they have is Walmart. Who wants to shop for clothes at Walmart when you want to feel extra-special and stylish? How can I be stylish when everyone in the town have the same clothes as mine because we all shop at one place? They don't have Starbucks. I know!! I mean third world countries have Starbucks. My daily dose of cafe mocha is going to be completely off my diet. Yes. I don't drink any other cafe mocha. And my espresso truffle! This is too depressing for me and I don't expect you to understand or make sense of how I feel. All these are shallow reasons for me to worry or make this move a big deal. But let me get this out of my system. It is a big deal for me.
I have a career and I love that it is stable. I saw myself growing old in this company and I have foreseen myself receiving a gold plated plaque for giving excellent service for 30 years. My colleagues are also my friends and some of them I consider my family. One thing about me is that I love being surrounded by positive familiar people all the time and my workplace has given me that feeling of security and respect that I need.
I have not even mentioned my family. All of them are here in Toronto. When we move to Yellowknife, it will be just the five of us. My mom will not be able to come to me in 10 minutes when I want to see her or when I need someone's help. My sister. I will not be able to go out and hang out with her on Friday nights anymore. I will not see my nephew and nieces on special occassions. My brothers. How can I give them noogies (not that I do, but)? How can I annoy them once we are far away?
But all of these are about me. I am scared and do not want to move probably because of selfish reasons. But I also think of what if my husband's new job do not work out? I mean by July, which is our target moving date, he would only have been in the company for 8 months. What if by that date, I still do not have a job offer? What of our children? This decision also concerns them. New school. New friends. New environment.
We managed to attend the first Sunday mass of the year despite of bad weather. That Sunday was the second and last Sunday mass we had as a family before my husband leaves to Yellowknife. He actually leaves tonight. Today is Wednesday. I prayed hard on that Sunday mass. I prayed for my confusion and fear to go away. I prayed for strength so I can continue to perform my daily duties as a mother, as a wife, a daughter, a sister, and as a friend.
I felt good after that Sunday mass. I now feel stronger knowing that I am making this decision as a sacrifice for my family and that I am putting them above my own personal needs and wants. Just as a horse's vision have to be restricted so they can perform thoughtfully, I am taking this leap of faith by trusting God to be my eyes.
Have you ever been in a position or a situation where you have to make a life changing decision? I'm sure a lot of you have experienced that and some of you may say that I am over thinking this.
I have decided to move to Yellowknife. My husband has acquired a permanent job there. For more than a month now I have been raising our three children with my mother-in-law's help. And when she leaves in October of this year, I will have no other choice but to put my toddler in a childcare centre. Even with two income coming in, childcare and paying two different rent is just too much of an expense.
I don't know much about Yellowknife but based from what I have read and from what I was told it is a nice place to be. Aside from the extreme cold weather, long nights during winter, and that it is a place far far away from everything, there is not much I should worry about. But compared to Toronto, Yellowknife feels a bit strange for me. I mean all they have is Walmart. Who wants to shop for clothes at Walmart when you want to feel extra-special and stylish? How can I be stylish when everyone in the town have the same clothes as mine because we all shop at one place? They don't have Starbucks. I know!! I mean third world countries have Starbucks. My daily dose of cafe mocha is going to be completely off my diet. Yes. I don't drink any other cafe mocha. And my espresso truffle! This is too depressing for me and I don't expect you to understand or make sense of how I feel. All these are shallow reasons for me to worry or make this move a big deal. But let me get this out of my system. It is a big deal for me.
I have a career and I love that it is stable. I saw myself growing old in this company and I have foreseen myself receiving a gold plated plaque for giving excellent service for 30 years. My colleagues are also my friends and some of them I consider my family. One thing about me is that I love being surrounded by positive familiar people all the time and my workplace has given me that feeling of security and respect that I need.
I have not even mentioned my family. All of them are here in Toronto. When we move to Yellowknife, it will be just the five of us. My mom will not be able to come to me in 10 minutes when I want to see her or when I need someone's help. My sister. I will not be able to go out and hang out with her on Friday nights anymore. I will not see my nephew and nieces on special occassions. My brothers. How can I give them noogies (not that I do, but)? How can I annoy them once we are far away?
But all of these are about me. I am scared and do not want to move probably because of selfish reasons. But I also think of what if my husband's new job do not work out? I mean by July, which is our target moving date, he would only have been in the company for 8 months. What if by that date, I still do not have a job offer? What of our children? This decision also concerns them. New school. New friends. New environment.
We managed to attend the first Sunday mass of the year despite of bad weather. That Sunday was the second and last Sunday mass we had as a family before my husband leaves to Yellowknife. He actually leaves tonight. Today is Wednesday. I prayed hard on that Sunday mass. I prayed for my confusion and fear to go away. I prayed for strength so I can continue to perform my daily duties as a mother, as a wife, a daughter, a sister, and as a friend.
I felt good after that Sunday mass. I now feel stronger knowing that I am making this decision as a sacrifice for my family and that I am putting them above my own personal needs and wants. Just as a horse's vision have to be restricted so they can perform thoughtfully, I am taking this leap of faith by trusting God to be my eyes.
