I am full of insecurities. It is weird because as I grow older, the more insecure I become. This makes me afraid and messed up --- in my head.
I fear that I am not good enough.

When I was younger, I lived by this words of St. Augustine " Humility is the way to greatness". As the eldest among four siblings, I felt the pressure of being the "good" student, the must be role model, the has-to-be ideal daughter. I would feel uncomfortable every time my father would give me praises in front of my siblings in fear that my brothers and sisters would think that I am boastful and feel differently towards me. I feared that they would treat me differently. So every time  my father would say a good word about me, I shyly walk away out of the conversation, no thank-you's, no acknowledgements saying "Yes, I did that".  While other students proudly displayed their medals and awards, I hid mine in a box and tucked them all the way inside my dresser---never to be opened, to be shown, to be discussed.

Validity. All of us have this need to feel validated. We feel good, we feel worthy when others acknowledge us. But we have to remember that we have to validate ourselves first. No matter how or what encouragement others give to us, there is no use if we do not believe in ourselves. When St. Augustine preached about humility, he did not mean for me to be shy, he did not mean that I hide in the dark and put myself down thinking I am not good enough. He meant that I accept myself for how God made me, that I be humble enough to say thank you.

So here it is. A big THANK YOU!

Please visit this site for more details about the book: http://northwordsnwt.ca/anthology

Daddy, this one's for you. I hope I made you smile up there.

The night sky was clear that night I was on the bus waving good bye to my mother. Aboard the bus with me were my father, my cousin, my two younger brothers, Peegee who was 7, Felix who was 6, and my sister April who was only three months old. I was 8.  Looking by the window, I saw her face as she stood still, not smiling nor crying, watching us. My father told me that we were going to my grandmother's house to live there but my mother had to go somewhere first.

That was the night our family had to spend the rest of our ten years separated from her. My mother was leaving us to work abroad.

I did not know then how significant that vivid moment was, but I do know now. That night was a life changing moment for all of us. To grow without a mother was hard, for my father to live his life without his beloved wife was suffering. For my mother to live everyday without being able to hold us, comfort us, feel us --- was sacrificial.


Happy Mother's Day my ever dearest Mama. Know that I love and cherish you ever so dearly. You are my inspiration and role model --- our own "architect of change", strong willed and kind-hearted. Thank you for all your everyday acts of love, from the tiniest to the grandest. There is no other mother best for me than you.

I love you so much.